Getting to Know our Families

I recently joined my first book club called Mom Salon. I thought it would be interesting as a mom but at the same time I am always looking for ways as a Director to better understand parents. We are reading four books focusing on the daily life of motherhood. The topics we discuss deal with the concepts of bad mother vs. good mother, various challenges and pressures we deal with on a daily basis plus the history of women. The moms in the group have children ranging from age one to twelve. There are no characters in the stories but the women in the group really make up the true story of motherhood. I found this group so interesting because each participant has her own story similar to the parents we see each day in our schools. One mom suddenly lost her husband at 40. One mom, who is Jewish, was raised by her father after her mom left her as a baby. This mom was raised solely by an African American nanny who she attended church with each week. Some of the moms are divorced and a few grew up with divorced parents. I casually talk to my parents each day at drop off and pick up but this was different. The moms really delved into their beliefs and feelings on parenthood and the variety of pressures they were contending with on a daily basis. It was interesting to see the connection to their upbringing and how they are raising their own children. During these book club meetings I was wondering how our adult life circumstances play a role on the choices we make each day when it comes to our children lives. Do we raise our children based solely on how we were raised or does our belief system change along the way due to financial circumstances, societal pressures, and caretaker responsibilities? This book club reminded me how I continuously tell my teachers to think about each child’s habits, traits and personalities which are being developed by their home environment. Currently I have children enrolled with single moms living with extended family, same sex partners, stay at home dads and parents struggling financially. There are so many factors thrown into the mix when these formidable years are being developed. I am sure we all have parents walking in with their cell phones while picking up their children and don’t understand what message they are sending to that little child waiting for them. On the other hand, I have the mom who is working two jobs but will spend an hour on our playground playing with their child at pick up time. We have parents that let their kids go to sleep at 11:00pm because “they are too tired to argue” and the parent that is afraid to allow their child to have a munchkin in fear that it will start a downward spiral of terrible eating habits. Everyday we set out to teach children to be kind, follow certain directions, wash their hands, sing songs and have fun. Teachers also have the children’s various developmental needs to contend with but we have to be very aware of what the home life is of each child. There also times when a parent confides in me about a situation at home that a teacher is unaware of. We have to remember that the majority of parents have a lot of pressure on them and they try to combine what society is telling them, their peer group and mix it in with their own inner beliefs from how they were raised. That child in your class that seems so needy and always craves attention might have parents that don’t get home until close to bed time. The child who is aggressive and doesn’t like to share might have a home without structure or "rules in roost”. We need to step back and really think about what happens before and after our students leave us. As a Director we are not only here to educate the children but also the parents. I try to provide workshops from a local parenting center, have helpful parenting books, and just let parents know I am accessible if they need advice or someone to listen. It is important to remember that whatever our individual beliefs may be about child raising, we must respect that each child comes from a home with different structures, rules, values, culture and ideals.

Do you believe that each child is part nature and nurture or just one or another?As a Director/Teacher how can you learn more about your family’s home life, child raising philosophy?Have you had a family whose values or child rearing practices go against your schools philosophy? How did you handle it?

Happy Hanukkah to All,

Beth Berman M.S.Ed
Director of Early Childhood Education
Richard E. Rudolph Jr. Preschool